Rose's Vet Practice, VIC
Job titleHer Majesty Queen Bronte, Practice manager
My day-to-day task listMy tasks include ruling over my slaves and demanding attention. The occasional practice manager stuff like knocking things off the table, drinking everyones coffee, greeting clients and their pets, stealing my slaves (er, Nurses) chocolate, keeping our patients company - I'll often sit outside their cage and have a nap. I also like to stand on the phone keys as my slaves are making phone calls and walk over the computer keys and delete things i shouldn't (haha you should see my slaves faces!)
My favourite thingsStealing my slaves coffee, food or anything really, if it is theirs i want it.I love greeting clients and their pets and sitting with them and keeping them company whilst waiting in reception. I love running off down the road to say hello to people walking past and i love my cuddles and smooches.
My naughtiest habitWell i wouldn't say im naughty, after all i am her Majesty the Queen Bronte Ruler of the practice. But i know my slaves sometimes complain when i drink their coffee or steal their food. I also tease dogs who don't like cats and i will sit just out of reach (hahaha).
What do my clients think of me?They love me! Who wouldn't love a Queen.
Other things you should know about me
This is a typical day in the life of me.
8.30am: I hear one of my servents arriving. After a big stretch, I hop out of my fur-lined bed and await the arrival of the slave, er, nurse, to fill my food bowl, clean my bathroom and give me fresh water. If she is too slow I will sit on the bin next to the door and concentrate my stare on her through the window until she does my bidding.
9am: Depending on the weather I will either wander outside the side door to greet Rose and Kerryn as they arrive, while soaking up some morning rays to help with my Vitamin D absorption, or return to bed to snooze after the huge effort of eating breakfast. Now that it’s getting cold, if I’m thinking of heading outdoors, I ensure one of my slaves wraps me in my new Versace and Prince-inspired coat.
10am: Time to wander out to the reception area to out-psych any cats waiting in cages or greet any canines who are visiting. I especially enjoy introducing myself to terrier-types who love chasing cats and completely freak out when I walk up to them – you should see their faces – just hilarious.
10.30am: Now I’ve gone in and out the front door enough times to satisfy myself all humans, whether visiting or resident, will bend to my will and open the door whenever I wish it, I may hang out in the front garden to scope out the bird scene and tease any animals who can see out the window of consult room 1.
11-12pm: My secret time when I may wander down the footpath and disappear to a secret location. Very frustrating when Nurse Clare (Slave #3) or supposed boss Dr Rose (what a joke, when we know who’s in charge) sees me leave, picks me up and brings me back.
So patronising. In cat years I am much older than either of them and am perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you very much. Humans are so arrogant – always thinking they know best.
12-1pm: Lunchtime often takes more staring to get someone to realise that I’m being starved to death.
With the staring we cats have to resort to, too ensure our basic needs are met, it’s amazing we don’t end up with permanent migraines. The more I read Garfield the more I realise how true the rumours are that Jim Davis is a pseudonym used by a mysterious bilingual feline.
1-3pm: Time to get down to the business side of running this place. As Dr Rose does whatever with bits of paper and clicking keys on the computer, I examine all papers and close my ears to her expletives and exclamations. She doesn’t always make a lot of sense anyway. How can working on something on the computer screen called a “cash flow budget” make her suddenly squawk like a demented duck then start banging her head against the desk? Humans are very odd.
3-4pm: Coffee is made and left for me to drink (humans are always disappearing in this place to attend to other humans and their owners, so thoughtless, but hey, we pussy cats have had to put up with disrespect since before Bast’s reign). That’s why I don’t understand when Nurse Jes (Slave #2) or Dr Rose get so hot under the collar when they find me enjoying my afternoon break (it is in my contract. Well it would be if I had one).
5-5.30pm: It’s dinner time. Again with the stares (sigh) and I get my gourmet nosh. It’s actually pretty good. Then it’s off to bed in my cushy suite. I’d like to say I party all night but at my age I’m really happy to hang out in my bed unless there’s a disturbance. Sometimes Dr Kerryn or Dr Rose turn the lights on and I end up with a flatmate for the night.
I don’t mind, after all it is my job to look after any patients (apart from others of my species, they’re on their own).
All in all, life’s good. I love having my own patch. I love the humans who look after me (not that I’d ever tell them that directly as I have to set a certain professional standard) and I love the adulation of my fans.
Everyone knows me, everyone loves me (apart from other cats and dogs who want to eat me) and I know that I am an indispensable and unforgettable member of the team.
Viva la moi!