Oliver 13 years
DOMESTIC LONG HAIR, Ginger Tabby
Australind Veterinary Hospital, WA

PRETTY FLY FOR A RED GUY

Job title

SUPREME LEADER

My day-to-day task list

I BEGIN MY MORNING WITH A TANTRUM. I FIND THIS ENCOURAGES THE NURSES TO LIBERATE ME FROM MY OVERNIGHT INCARCERATION. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT I VISUALISE MENACE AND MAYHEM IN ORDER TO PERFORM AT MY PEAK SO I TAKE A FEW QUIET MOMENTS OUTSIDE TO MEDITATE BEFORE RETURNING TO INITIATE INDUSTRY DISRUPTION. AFTER BREAKFAST I PERFORM A CRITICAL STAFF TRAINING RITUAL WHERE I PRETEND I WANT OUT AND THEN I HINT THAT I WANT TO COME BACK IN BUT I CHANGE MY MIND AND HEAD OUT AGAIN. THIS GIVES OUR TEAM FINE TUNING ON DOOR OPENING FOR PEAK CUSTOMER SERVICE PERFORMANCE. AFTER TRAINING I FLOOR WALK TO MAKE SURE THE STAFF ARE EXECUTING OUR SYSTEMS TO THE STANDARDS REQUIRED. I ALSO LIKE TO NEUTRALISE CANINE AGGRESSION BY USING MY EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION TO STARE AT THEM AND CONTROL THEIR MINDS. THE NURSES FEEL THIS PROCESS IS UNECESSARY HOWEVER I MUST ARGUE THE POINT. I GET RESULTS! AFTER FLOOR WALKING IT IS ON TO QUALITY CONTROL OF PETFOOD. I TASTE TEST RETAIL FOOD BY RIPPING OPEN BAGS FOR SAMPLING. I AM THE TEAM LEADER FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS SO I ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN STRESS RELIEVING TECHNIQUES BY TAKING A FOUR HOUR NAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. AFTER MY MENTAL RECUPERATION RITUALS ARE COMPLETED, I WANDER THE WARDS TO ENSURE THE NURSES HAVE COMPLETED DISCHARGE INSTRUCTIONS, TREATMENTS AND THAT THE CAGES ARE CLEAN. I ALSO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO PULL ANY BARKING DOGS INTO LINE BY STANDING IN FRONT OF THEIR CAGE AND STARING AT THEM. I FIND THIS HELPS REDUCE NOISE IN THE HOSPITAL AND BRINGS SERENITY AND A CALMNESS TO OUR HAPPINESS CENTRED BUSINESS.

My favourite things

I JUST LOVE VETERINARY NURSES. I AM A SUCKER FOR ANIMAL LOVERS IN UNIFORM! I LOVE LIVER TREATS AND I JUST CAN'T GIVE THEM UP DESPITE BEING PRESCRIBED ALLERGY FREE FOOD BY MY VETERINARIAN. I'M DOWN TO A PACK A DAY WHEN THE VETS AREN'T WATCHING. AND I LOVE THOSE LITTLE DRIED FISH SORT OF LIKE WHITE BAIT. CRUNCHY AND SALTY.......MMMMMM. I ALSO LOVE A RIPPIN' AND A TEARIN' AS I CHASE MY LITTLE WOOLEN MOUSEY AND TOYS AROUND THE WAITING ROOM. I LOVE SLEEPING AND I LOVE COUCHES, BEDS, CHAIRS AND BLANKETS ON WHICH TO SLEEP. THE HOSPITAL POT PLANTS ARE ALSO AN EXCELLENT PLACE FOR SLUMBER

My naughtiest habit

I HAVE SO MANY HOW DO I CHOOSE ONE? MAYBE IT IS RIPPING OPEN RETAIL FOOD FOR A SNACK AND EATING NO MORE THAN A TEASPOON OF FOOD. HMMM, I ALSO LIKE VOMITING IN THE CONSULT ROOMS WHEN THE NURSES AREN'T LOOKING (I LOVE THAT ONE); I ALSO HAVE A FELIWAY ADDICTION AND MOOD SWINGS WITHOUT IT. I HAVE TERRIBLE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS INCLUDING PSYCHOTIC EPISODES. I ALSO LOVE TO SINK MY CLAWS INTO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE HOLDING ME FOR A PHOTOGRAPH. I AM OBSESSIVE ABOUT DIRTYING MY KITTY LITTER AS SOON AS THE NURSES GIVE ME A CLEAN TRAY. IF I WAS HUMAN I WOULD WEAR A BLACK HEAVY METAL T-SHIRT BECAUSE I LOVE BEING BAD!

What do my clients think of me?

THEY GENUINELY BELIEVE I AM THE PROTOTYPE OF THE FELINE MASTER RACE. EVERYBODY LOVES "THE BIG GINGER CAT". THE GLOWING TESTIMONIALS JUST KEEP ROLLING IN. THE ESTENSIVE LIST OF POSITIVE REFERENCES INCLUDE: PHOTOGENIC, HANDSOME, REGAL, CHARMING AND ADORABLE, BEAUTIFUL, AN ORNAMENT OF CONTEMPORARY VETERINARY PRACTICE AND THE FOUNDATION OF OUR BUSINESS SUCCESS.

Other things you should know about me

VISION : TO BE 2016 DERMCARE CLINIC CAT OF THE YEAR

MISSION : TO DEVELOP MASTERY IN CANINE BEHAVIORAL MANAGEMENT USING CUTTING EDGE FELINE STARING TECHNIQUES. TO BECOME A THOUGHT LEADER AND BUSINESS ADVISOR IN FELINE FEAR FREE PRACTICE BY CHALLENGING OUR TEAM TO IMPROVE IN ALL AREAS OF FELINE PRACTICE AND TO ENCOURAGE FELINE PET OWNERSHIP AND FELINE WELLNESS PROGRAMS BY BEING A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT IRRESISTIBLE GINGER FLUFF CAN DO FOR ALL HUMANITY

MY LIFE STORY : I WAS BORN IN A BARN IN JUNE 2002 TO A GINGER QUEEN AND AN UNKNOWN FERAL FARM CAT CALLED "TOM", WELL AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MUMMY CALLED MY DAD. I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER. MUMMY LIVED IN A PRE CAT-LAW APOCOLYTIC ERA WHEN CATS WERE EXPENDIBLE. THE LIFE OF A CAT WAS CHEAP. WE EXISTED TO MAINTAIN RODENT POPULATIONS AND NOTHING ELSE. WE GREW UP TOUGH WITHOUT CREATURE COMFORTS. WE WERE 'ARD. MUMMY HAD TO CATCH MICE TO FEED MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. WHEN I WAS SIX WEEKS OF AGE I CAUGHT MY FIRST BABY MOUSE. I DIDN'T EAT IT THOUGH. WE PLAYED AND PLAYED.

AT THE TENDER AGE OF SIX WEEKS I WAS BUNDLED INTO A BOX AND LOADED ONTO THE BACK SEAT OF A CAR (I THINK). THE BOX WAS VERY DARK BUT I COULD SEE THROUGH A CRACK IN THE TOP. I KNEW IT WAS A CAR BECAUSE I HAD HEARD THE ENGINE BEFORE DRIVING AROUND THE FARM. MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS WERE VERY FRIGHTENED. WE WERE NOW ORPHANED. MUMMY WAS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. WE DID NOT KNOW WHAT LAY AHEAD. I WAS A "GINGER" SO I TRUSTED THAT LIFE WOULD BE KIND TO ME. I HAD FAITH THAT EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT OK IN LIFE. THE UNIVERSE HAD MY BACK BECAUSE I WAS THE MOST HANDSOME CAT ON THE PLANET. I WOULD SURVIVE AND FLOURISH.

I WAS TAKEN TO A PLACE WHERE THIS FUNNY RINGING SOUND SEEMED TO HAPPEN EVERY FEW MINUTES. I COULD SMELL LOTS OF FUNNY SMELLS. I WAS PUT INTO A CAGE WITH MY FIVE OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND THIS WIRE DOOR SLAMMED SHUT IN OUR FACES. WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER. WHAT WAS THIS PLACE? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO US?

WE WERE ALONE, OR SO I THOUGHT. I LOOKED ACROSS THE ROOM AND I SAW THIS STRANGE CREATURE STARING AT ME AND DROOLING. IT STARTED MAKING THIS TERRIBLE NOISE. I LATER LEARNED THAT THIS THING WAS A DOG. IT SEEMED TO BE A STRANGE DISEMPOWERED CREATURE THAT DROOLED AND YAPPED. I STARED AT IT FROM MY IVORY TOWER AND IT BARKED MORE. I REALISED IT COULDN'T HURT ME THROUGH THE CAGE. THIS POWER CAME OVER ME. I WAS A HANDSOME GINGER CAT WITH SUPER POWERS. I WASN'T AFRAID OF ANYTHING.

MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS FELT VERY SORRY FOR THEMSELVES. THEY ALL HUDDLED TOGETHER WITH A LOOK OF TERROR ON THEIR FACES. NOT ME. I WAS A ROCK STAR GINGER WITH SUPER POWERS. I COULD MAKE FUNNY FURRY DROOLING CREATURES BECOME APOCOLYPTIC WITH RAGE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT THAT I ENJOYED IT.

I STARTED CLIMBING UP THE WIRE CAGE DOOR BECAUSE I WAS A "SUPER CAT"

A HUMAN DRESSED IN A BLUE UNIFORM SAW ME CLIMBING THE CAGE. SHE OPENED THE CAGE AND PICKED ME UP. SHE SAID I WAS THE CUTEST BALL OF GINGER FLUFF SHE HAD EVER SEEN. I MADE EYE CONTACT WITH MY BIG BLUE EYES. MY GINGER GLOWED AND I FLUFFED MYSELF UP EVEN MORE. SHE CUDDLED ME AND TICKLED ME UNDER THE CHIN. SHE THEN GOT SOME WOOL AND I STARTED CHASING IT AROUND. HEY THIS WAS FUN. SHE CARRIED ME AROUND AND CUDDLED ME. I PURRED. SHE SNUGGLED. I PURRED AND FLUFFED MYSELF UP. I PATTED MY FEET ON HER LAP AND CURLED UP FOR A NAP. IT HAD BEEN A BIG DAY.

AFTER A CAT NAP, I WAS BACK IN THE CAGE WITH MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. THEY WERE ALL HUDDLED AROUND A BOWL. I HAD NEVER SEEN THIS STUFF BEFORE BUT IT SMELT GOOD. THEY WERE HEAD DOWN TAIL UP SO I PUSHED IN TO GET A TASTE. THERE WASN'T MUCH LEFT. I GOT A MOUTHFUL OF THE MOST WONDERFUL FOOD I HAD EVER TASTED. IT WAS SO GOOD AFTER EATING DEAD RATS AND MICE THAT I CAN REMEMBER IT VIVIDLY TO THIS DAY. MMMMM MMMMMMMMMM. IT WAS GOOD.

BUT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH FOR ME. I WAS STILL HUNGRY. I RAN OVER TO THE CAGE DOOR AND WITH MY SUPER CAT POWERS I STARTED CLIMBING THE CAGE AGAIN. THE LADY IN THE BLUE UNIFORM WAS CALLED JANET. JANET I MEOWED. SHE CAME BACK OVER AND REALISED I WAS STILL HUNGRY. SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED MORE AND I MEOWED AND PURRED MY LITTLE MOTOR. SHE GOT ME MORE FOOD. HOW GOOD WAS THIS?

SHE CALLED ME OLIVER TWIST. APPARENTLY IF YOU SAY "PLEASE SIR, CAN I HAVE SOME MORE" TO A HUMAN, THEY CALL YOU OLIVER TWIST. SOMETHING ABOUT A FAMOUS BOOK? ANYWAY, THAT WAS HOW I GOT MY NAME OLIVER TWIST (OR OLIVER FOR SHORT).

FOR MORE ABOUT MY LIFE STORY, PLEASE FOLLOW MY BLOG. AND MAKE SURE YOU WATCH MY SONG "PRETTY FLY FOR A RED GUY" ON YOUTUBE AND STAY TUNED FOR THE VERY EXCITING PARODIES WE HAVE PLANNED ON OUR ROADMAP TO VICTORY.

YOU CAN FOLLOW MY DARING ATTEMPT TO BECOME "DERMCARE CLINIC CAT OF THE YEAR 2016" ON OUR SOCIAL MEDIA. LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT FEAR! GINGER POWER ACTIVATE! MEOW!

BLOG : http://www.australindvet.com.au/contact-us/australind-vet-gossip

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YOUTUBE : https://www.youtube.com/user/AustralindVet

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