Naracoorte and Penola Veterinary Centres, SA
Keep calm and vote for Patty!
Job titleClinic management, staff training, security detail, trip hazard, OH&S safety inspector, taste tester, paperweight and destroyer of furniture.
My day-to-day task listI believe every day should begin with a healthy (large) breakfast, this is a fact that I unfortunately must constantly remind my staff of. When they have finally responded to my insistent instructions to fill my bowl I will eat until I feel satisfied, and then eat a little more just to be on the safe side. Usually by this time the staff are well on their way to preparing for the mornings surgeries and it is at this time that I must perform my OH&S duties but testing the temperature of the prep-table heat mat. This is a very long and drawn out task and lasts until I am physically moved by the ungrateful nursing team. Hygiene is very important in a Veterinary clinic at this time I take the opportunity to ensure that my own personal hygiene is up to scratch. I thus begin my rigorous cleaning schedule, each area of my body must receive exactly 7 licks, no more, no less. After all this exertion I believe it is important to rebuild my strength by having another quick snack before again getting straight back into work by testing every accessible (inappropriate) place of the clinic for its suitability to be used as a bed. When I have completed this thorough testing I will move onto security detail, it is imperative that I keep a very close eye on that suspicious cat that lives next door, even though he is yet to display any abnormal behaviour over the past few years I am still convinced he is up to something. This monitoring often goes on for hours at a time until my nursing staff finally draw me away and prepare me for my long night shift of supervising the inmates, I mean “patients”.
My favourite thingsA warmth of a heat pad on a winter’s morning, the taste of freshly made Epsom salts and indulging in the delights of the secret McDonalds meals I share with the boss.
My naughtiest habitI firstly wish to say that all my actions are above reproach, this is something my staff are still coming to terms with. Their most recent (and regular) claim is that I am a food thief. It is true that I like to sneak into patients cages and eat their food yet this is actually a very important service that I am performing. A clinic such as ours should not serve second rate food and so I insist on taste testing as many meals as I can to ensure their quality. Also, it takes a lot of work to maintain a figure like mine, something the staff obviously don’t understand.
What do my clients think of me?\My existence is akin to that of great mythical creatures such as unicorns and dragons. There are many rumours about my greatness that spread through the lands yet I very rarely show myself willingly to the public. On the odd occasion that I make myself known to others it is taken as a sign of good luck.
Other things you should know about me
If (when) I am voted Clinic Cat of the Year I will use my new found power and prestige to benefit all clinic cats, well mostly myself… ok fine, just myself.
My first act will be to instate the following world rules;
- Food rations shall be doubled and 50% of all patient food will be offered up as tribute
- Bellies will receive two pats and only two pats
- Humans will be required to stand still to allow for the best use of their legs as rubbing posts
- Clinic cats shall nap whenever and wherever they want to
- There will be harsher penalties for the following acts of cat cruelty;
- Cats in “cute” outfits
- YouTube videos
- And last but certainly not least, I will dedicate as many resources a needed to see that that pesky red dot is finally captured!
My Dear Nemesis,
When I become Clinic Cat of the Year no longer will I be satisfied with just
supervising your stay behind bars from the doorway.
Mark my words, your days of being allowed to visit this clinic are numbered!