Heathmont Animal Hospital, VIC
You better. Or else.
My day-to-day task listEvery morning, for the last 18 years, I have woken up alone. Alone in my royal chambers (minion's office), just the way I like it. First order of business is my cursory lap of the inside of my kingdom, making sure to saunter past any hospital patients - after all, those behind bars need to see their overlord periodically to remember why they quake in their boots at the sound of my name. I do not approve of the multiple trays with strange paper pellets that the minions leave out, so I go in search of some clean smelling laundry to answer nature's call. Then I sit at the minion entrance and bide my time until the first one arrives. Once that blasted door is open, I yell at them and take off to patrol the outside perimeter, sometimes hopping into patrol vehicles (client cars) to hasten the process. On cool days, I snooze the rest of the time in my heated royal chambers, or on my regal throne (reception desk). On warmer days, I lounge in my outside pavilion, getting just the right amount of sun. Needless to say, in between all this hard work, I get fed. The first thing minions under my rule learn is Commandment #1 - Food is Life (especially when they are Greenies).
My favourite things#1 Aforementioned Greenies. #2 The reception desk chair, aka the Pregnancy Chair. The minions have named it such, for reasons I cannot fathom. All I know is, every time one of them dares to try steal my throne from me, it magically makes them disappear for 9 months each time. Some minions have dared try twice..... Good riddance I say, they need to learn boundaries.
My naughtiest habitNaughty? Please. Just please. That word does not exist in an overlord's dictionary.
What do my clients think of me?Do you even need ask? Of course they love me. Everyone loves me. I am their overlord. They have no option.
Other things you should know about me
This is your overlord's story
One fateful day 18 years ago, as a beautiful kitten in my prime, I was strolling along the Heathmont shops, weaving my way amongst human shoppers' legs and generally making my presence known. An audacious human dared to lay its grimy hands on me, and took me into Heathmont Animal Hospital. My current minions tried for quite awhile to find me a forever slave, but we all know good staff is hard to come by. My minions were rather taken in (aha!) by my larger than life personality and my gorgeously preened fur, so I managed to convince them that I was to be THEIR overlord instead, and so I have been.
Why should I win Dermcare Clinic Cat of the Year 2017?
In my mind, and my mind is the only right mind, I am the rightful ambassador of Dermcare. On the down low, I may have had a skin infection (or two) in my time. Yeast is the bane of my existance. While I do not condone anyone (cat, dog or human) ever being bathed, I have to admit that there is this Dermcare stuff (Mala-something or the other) that seems to get rid of the dastardly yeast. My minions soak me in it and refuse to rinse it off for at least 10 minutes, disregarding my fervent protests. The bad news is they survived to tell the tale. The good news is they will never dare do it again due to the reminders I have left on their arms.
Actually, scrap that. I should really win Cat of the Year. Of Everything. Every year. Why, you may ask? Well, I have to be, because my minions are willing to risk everything for me (don't tell them that though, it will get to their heads). My most recent conquest was fighting off a trespasser that I found lurking just within the outer boundaries of my kingdom. I chased the intruder up a tree, cornered it on a branch, and yelled for my royal guards. Minion #1 (yes, I number them) climbed the tree to protect me from said intruder, bundled me safely into the arms of minion #2, and then proceeded to fall off the tree, rolling her ankle on a broken branch on the ground (see photo evidence attached). While I would love to have more competant slaves, I have to applaud the effort. What have YOUR slaves done for YOU?