Toowong Family Vet, QLD
If you don't vote for me, I will find you
Job titleDelive-furry Man: You want? You got it. But not if it requires doing, like, anything that I don't want to do...
My day-to-day task listThe role of Delive-furry Man takes skill, a can-do cattitude, and attention to de-tale: Furless clothing? Here’s some fur, son! | Laptop computer looking lightweight, boring and lonely? Why, yes, I will take a seat | Hands free from bite marks and scratches? Bitey McBiterman at your service! | No poop in das poopy tray? Freshly squeezed, Madame. | Mysteriously empty food bowls for every patient? Thank me later | Phones ringing nonstop? *BOOP* All receivers: now off the hook | Need help typing? hhhhhhhhthttttttttt888888888888888888888888[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ | Dog's chunky ear gunk dirtying up the room? I’m all over it; literally | Sassy staff gettin’ all sassy? I’ll throw some shade - with my butt. Because it’s large. | Suddenly blind and need to read what’s on the computer screen? Voice-automation: On (and to stay on until you figure out W.T.H. I did to turn it on - 10/10) | Newly opened food tins completely full and going to waste? Polished. Off. #teamplayer
My favourite thingsIncluding, but not limited to: Pooping. Scooping. Meeting. Greeting | Farting. Staring. Glaring. Eating | Perching. Fighting. Grooming. Sleeping | Pouncing. Talking. Rolling. Peeping | Laying. Playing. Posing. Musing | Kneading. Winking. Stealing. Snoozing | Clawing. Grabbing. Flopping. Biting | Lurking. Twerking. Big-butt-typing | Ageing. Raging. Modelling. Mauling | Dressing. Undressing. Conference-Calling | Messing. Stressing. Distracting. Masseuseing | Seeing. Peeing. Power-Abusing.
My naughtiest habitThe dictionary of Norman states that to be 'Naughty' is to partake in endeavours that one enjoys at the dislike and/or dismay of others. So in the spirit of things (because why just choose one?) that make my heart go boom: Pooping. I just really love a good, stinky 5pm poopoo | Peeing in my litter tray, but not IN the litter, and getting wet little tootsies to pitter patter around the clinic | Climbing into other cat’s carriers without the girls knowing. I like to watch when they don’t know I’m watching | Biting children. They. Are. Delicious! | Eating insects. The thrill of the kill is what really gets me going | Sitting on laptops/keyboards and changing all the settings (I have the sticky keys down pat) | Knocking things off things. The glassier and breakier the betterer | Attending Women’s Lunches (I basically just eat the girls’ lunches) | Sitting on items that are in need. Bedding. Paperwork. Chairs. Laryngoscopes. Catheters. Other animals | Being an asshat when I need bloods taken or anything involving anything I dislike | Steering clear from the Reception area until the very second one of a small handful of cat aggressive dogs come in. Then I need to be on the scales, on the reception desk, strutting past that flea-ridden hound, just shaking what my momma gave me | Pooping. Because it’s so great it needs to be mentioned again (PS: I do big ones, too) ;)
What do my clients think of me?"Amazing! Wonderful! Handsome AND Cool | That debonaire Normie, he ain't no fool | He's got the looks and the attitude, that can't be beat | The John West of the tuna, the best of the meat | Norman's articulate and witty, a real mover and shaker | With both beauty and braun, he's a real heartbreaker | Baby's got back, and some booty, and plenty of jelly | (And the way to his heart, is straight through his belly!) | When after a Clinic Cat to rule (and to dictate and enslave) | Norman's the man for the job; he's certainly our fave!" - The Norman Fan Club
Other things you should know about me
'I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a boring clinic cat, I can tell you I don't have those qualities. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let the trophy go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will bite you.' - Norman (aka Bryan Mills/Liam Neeson) - Taken
- I am the Liam Neeson
- I ate the cookies from the cookie jar
- I have my own Instagram page: www.instagram.com/themonochromecat
- aaaaaand Facey page: www.facebook.com/normanforcliniccatoftheyear
- Some days, I like to go tie-less. I’m such a free spirit like that #normaste
- I starred in 101 Dalmatians - I was Cruella’s hair
- Oprah and I dated. It was great, but there’s only so many free cars that one cat can handle, y’know?
- I have eight nipples - but I wear them proudly - and loudly
- I once licked Nelly’s bandaid right off his face. Our gazes caught one another's. Then we embraced passionately. It was a magical moment
- Everyone thinks that Lassie died years ago, but she’s chillin’ at home, with me. I dress her up as an Irishwoman and the only words I speak to her are "Potatoes" and "Sheamus"
- I love a good twerk
- I’m a sassy woman
- I have been referred to as a UFO - an Unstoppable Farting Object
- Ru Paul’s Drag Race is my fave show - "Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
- Bruno Mars is my half brother.. also the least talented one
- I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
- I just missed out on being Wolverine - apparently I was just TOO ripped…
- I love wearing tap shoes around the clinic ~ tip, tap, I'm the tip-tap cat, who's a tippa-tappin, it's Norm the tap cat! ~ * throws glitter *
- I helped Einstein with E=Mc2 (it was originally e=nmc2 (relative norman mass), but I told ol' Bertie to take it for himself)
- Activewear. Activewear. Doing literally nothing in my activewear
- I once traveled the world as a stowaway in Madonna’s Cone Bra on her Blonde Ambition Tour
- I cried in Game of Thrones when Hodor turned out to be Hold the Door
- I preferred when Snoop Dogg was Snoop Lion
- You steal my food, I will cut you
- I’m super into gangsta rap
- My favourite movie is Birdemic (you can thank me once you watch it)
- I am Luke Skywalker’s Father. Well, his non-biological father. Well, not really his father as such, more like a strong, male presence that's not present in any way, shape or form
- I try to escape in other cat’s carriers. So far: Unsuccessful. I shall persevere
- I am a world-renowned Professional Oshiya
- I love to partake in a little of the Harlem Shake
- I shot JFK (JFK = Jasper Fuzzymittens Kitten from up the road. And by shot I mean glared at him for an uncomfortably long time through the window)
- If there is a bag on the floor, I will get in it. It will be mine. We will be as one. Together. Forever
- I used to be a catnip addict. Now I’m just an enthusiast
- I own a Furr-ari; that’s right, ladies
- I struggle to text due to lack of thumbs
- It's not pink: it's salmon. Mmmm, salmon...
- I was a body double for Kim Kardashian in Kayne's 'Bound 2' Video
- I won Gold at the 1987 Olympics for ‘Long Poop' and 'Triple Poop’ #nationaltreasure
- Tell me your secrets… So I can use them to destroy you
- I bite people and they think it’s funny. People. Are. Weird!
- I never made it on Broadway because my Jazz hands just weren't up to 'scratch' buh-dmm-tss
- I'll give you 13 Reasons Why - 1) Food, 2) Food, 3) Food, 4) Food, 5) Food, 6) Food, 7) Food, 8) Food, 9) Food, 10) Food, 11) Food, 12) Food, 13) Food
- Kitty from Arrested Development is kind of an inspiration to me, the name is just a bonus
- I can't turn left... because I'm alright ;)
- I love to crump my hump and bump my junk with a hunka hunk spunk
- Cash me ousside. Meow bow dah?
- I own the Care Bear Stare